Around and Around
by Lilybet Edyvean
Summary: [oneshot] She is not as strong as she pretends to be. These days every step beats into her heart. And sometimes when she can’t breathe, she forgets that she is even living.


She walks through the empty hallway, and all that she can hear is her own heartbeats.

Her feet are stepping slowly, and her breath is labored.

She's trying to smile, but the effort is too great.

She doesn't want to think, because she knows if she does, all she will feel is pain. Darkness.

That is all she sees.

She can't breathe. It is too much.

Her vision is blurred.

She walks past a group of classmates. A girl is sobbing, bent over in grief. Her heart clenches, and she looks away.

Strength, she reminds herself. You must be strong.

She has to keep on telling herself that it will all be okay.

That somehow, in this broken world, she will find life.

She tries so hard to convince herself that there is hope, but her heart deceives her wishes. She can't believe anymore. Her heart is weary, her face cold.

Feeling a wave of anguish overcome her, she stops. Leaning against a wall, she looks around. She memorizes the pattern of the tapestry hanging on the wall.

She smiles slightly at the old suit of armor that she has run in to numerous times.

Her smile fades.

She doesn't even know herself anymore. She has forgotten herself. Living has become a chore. Everyday brings more deaths, more hurt.

She sighs, and continues to walk, trailing her fingers against the stone wall. She breathes, glancing at the moving stairs ahead of her.

How long with this last? Will it ever change? She hates asking herself those questions. She knows the answer.

"Forever and no." she says bitterly.

Sadly, 'When did I change so much?', she thinks to herself.

She remembers the days when a smile was always on her face. She remembers when she used to giggle hysterically in the hallways with her friends. Friends. One hadn't returned this year. Her heart ached.

"Oh Amy, and your brown eyes. The way you used to dance, as if you could never stop. And when you smiled, the whole world brightened. Your love for this world, and your hope. I wish I could understand you. I wish I had one chance to say goodbye." She whispered to herself.

She felt hate and anger. Why couldn't the world change? How could this happen?

Suddenly filled with more different emotions then she had ever known, she knew what she wanted. Sprinting outdoors, past groups of downcast students, she felt. Stopping under the willow tree next the lake, she twirled.

She twirled around and around, looking at the sky. Finally, sick with dizziness, she stopped and fell on the ground, still looking up.

"You used to say that spinning was a way of living. And that you'd see the world for what it was when it was spinning. That things could be perfect, for once."

She breathed deeply when a shadow appeared above her.

"Lily?" It asked.

She ignored it and continued to stare at the sky.

"I can't see it. I can't. I'll never see what you wanted me to see, Amy. Things aren't the way you said they were. Times have changed." She whispered.

Her voice was heard to the shadow, and a dazed person lay down next to her.

"Things aren't perfect. But we still have hope, faith, and the will to fight." The voice next to her rumbled.

"We don't have anything anymore."

"We have each other. We still have friends and family. We can still look out for each other."

"People don't care anymore."

"I still care."

"You don't want to care about me."

"Yes I do."

"Please don't. Just go away. It will only bring you pain. I'm trouble, can't you see? I'm a mudblood. That's what they are killing, aren't they? Just like Amy." She said harshly.

"Don't say that. You don't have to give up. They can take your life away from you, but no your hope, love."

"Don't you hear me? Please, go away. Get away from me! I will only bring you heartbreak." She whispered the last part.

"I don't care. I love you."

"No…No." she gasped out, starting to cry.

"Yes."

"I'm not strong enough for you."

"I can give you my strength."

"Why though? Why do you care?"

"Because, you are amazing. I know you are going through a difficult time; all of us are. But I know that you will come out the strong victor in the end. You're not a girl that gives up easily. You will fight for life."

"You don't understand, I'm changed. I don't care anymore. I don't care."

"I don't believe that. I know that somewhere deep in there, you do care."

She sobbed, tears streaming down her pale face.

"Dance with me." He said.

She continued to sob, and he took her in his arms.

And they danced, around and around, until they became sick with dizziness.

And for a second she forgot all that she had become. She forgot her pain and anger. She forgot herself.

But at that moment, what she saw was flashing hazel eyes, messy black hair and her own fingers entwining with his. She saw love.

And she wasn't afraid.

"I knew you'd come back." He whispered when he saw her expression.

"You brought me back." She replied, smiling at him.

"I'm not afraid anymore, James. I'm ready to fight. I'm not afraid to die."

He smiled sadly, then answered slowly, "Who said dying was the worst of your concerns?" he asked in a behavior she hadn't witnessed in a long time. Teasing with light humor.

She grinned, and pressed her forehead against his, murmuring

"Let's spin around so long that we die young."

"Die young. Sounds good to me."

And so they spun around and around. When they finally hit the grass, the observer would think them to be dead, they were so still. Their fingers joined, and hearts pounding, Lily Evans and James Potter lived that day.


End file.
